My dinner with Elvis Costello
So yesterday I went to dinner with a candy shell friend (quick lesson in how I define friendships: the Peanut M&M is the perfect metaphor for all friendships. Your candy shell friends are plentiful and make life interesting--even crunchy;)--but there's really not too much to them. Your chocolate layer are a little more scarce, are important to you, and definitely add a lot to your life. Your peanut are your closest friends, the people you need in your life, for you to be you. They help define you. Anyone reaching into their bag of peanut M&Ms knows that you really buy the M&Ms for the peanuts;)).
Anyway, back to my candy shell friend (who isn't E. Costello, in case any of you think I'm that cool:) ). We hadn't really talked with each other in a while, so it was a lot of catching up and stuff. He found out I'm not dropping out of school; I found out he has 2 more people living in his 2 BR apartment (for a grand total of 4 people in there!). He's also my compatriot in long-distance relationships. We got on the topic of our LD relationships, and I suggested that it wasn't so bad. After all, you have your other friends to hang out with and enjoy. And he did this remarkable thing. He said (something to the extent of) "Hmm..my friends, my girlfriend. Which would I rather hang out with?" in that rather sarcastic-duh-I-would-much-rather-spend-24/7-with-my-girlfriend way. It was kinda like who needs the former when you could have the latter?
Well, in my head at least, I was gaping at him. Not need your friends?? Then why the hell do you have them anyway? Was I supposed to take this as a clear indication that I was just second skimming compared with his GF time? Don't get me wrong, I wasn't personally offended. Just surprised. So I've had this in the back of my head since last night. Is this what real love is--that blind devotion and need for only one other person?
I remembered how I felt kinda like him when I first was separated from my peanut friends after leaving Florida. Well I snapped out of that quickly (though my boyfriend still reminds me of it every now and then;) ), and I got to be very good friends with several people here. No one has replaced my boyfriend and best friend (my peanut halves), but regular M&Ms are pretty tasty too. And I still get to see both of them. How can my friend from dinner really be so apathetic to everyone else?
The last time I'd been around someone so fixated on one person was back in Gainesville. Back then, we all just chalked it up to her being so transfixed on her boyfriend because of her age. But my friend last night is much closer to 30 than 20. Even that Gainesville girl is (almost hahaha) at drinking age...and as far as I know, still with the object of her devotion. I wonder how these relationships differ from the ones that others have? I would think that they're missing out on the benefits of knowing other people and not relying on one person for all of your happiness. But does it intensify the time they do spend with their boy/girl friends? Do they possibly understand each other better than those in less intense relationships?
It's funny--I know plenty of people that aren't in relationships. I even know some people who have never been in relationships. Are they just suffering through their friendships until they meet the one person who unlocks ever door inside of them? Do they consider their lives to be empty because they're not with their soulmate? I've been in a relationship for 3 + years now, but there were certainly times when I was single. I never felt like I was missing out on a vital aspect of life because I was single. I just felt like I was missing out on some good times that can only be had with a guy (no matter how much you like your friends, as When Harry Met Sally proves, they can't substitute..). But I was still happy. I loved my friendships, and still maintain most of them. I guess I'm just confused with this kind of one-person-centric world.
Random Thoughts:
Anyway, back to my candy shell friend (who isn't E. Costello, in case any of you think I'm that cool:) ). We hadn't really talked with each other in a while, so it was a lot of catching up and stuff. He found out I'm not dropping out of school; I found out he has 2 more people living in his 2 BR apartment (for a grand total of 4 people in there!). He's also my compatriot in long-distance relationships. We got on the topic of our LD relationships, and I suggested that it wasn't so bad. After all, you have your other friends to hang out with and enjoy. And he did this remarkable thing. He said (something to the extent of) "Hmm..my friends, my girlfriend. Which would I rather hang out with?" in that rather sarcastic-duh-I-would-much-rather-spend-24/7-with-my-girlfriend way. It was kinda like who needs the former when you could have the latter?
Well, in my head at least, I was gaping at him. Not need your friends?? Then why the hell do you have them anyway? Was I supposed to take this as a clear indication that I was just second skimming compared with his GF time? Don't get me wrong, I wasn't personally offended. Just surprised. So I've had this in the back of my head since last night. Is this what real love is--that blind devotion and need for only one other person?
I remembered how I felt kinda like him when I first was separated from my peanut friends after leaving Florida. Well I snapped out of that quickly (though my boyfriend still reminds me of it every now and then;) ), and I got to be very good friends with several people here. No one has replaced my boyfriend and best friend (my peanut halves), but regular M&Ms are pretty tasty too. And I still get to see both of them. How can my friend from dinner really be so apathetic to everyone else?
The last time I'd been around someone so fixated on one person was back in Gainesville. Back then, we all just chalked it up to her being so transfixed on her boyfriend because of her age. But my friend last night is much closer to 30 than 20. Even that Gainesville girl is (almost hahaha) at drinking age...and as far as I know, still with the object of her devotion. I wonder how these relationships differ from the ones that others have? I would think that they're missing out on the benefits of knowing other people and not relying on one person for all of your happiness. But does it intensify the time they do spend with their boy/girl friends? Do they possibly understand each other better than those in less intense relationships?
It's funny--I know plenty of people that aren't in relationships. I even know some people who have never been in relationships. Are they just suffering through their friendships until they meet the one person who unlocks ever door inside of them? Do they consider their lives to be empty because they're not with their soulmate? I've been in a relationship for 3 + years now, but there were certainly times when I was single. I never felt like I was missing out on a vital aspect of life because I was single. I just felt like I was missing out on some good times that can only be had with a guy (no matter how much you like your friends, as When Harry Met Sally proves, they can't substitute..). But I was still happy. I loved my friendships, and still maintain most of them. I guess I'm just confused with this kind of one-person-centric world.
Random Thoughts:
- Just about everyone I know got a cold as soon as it became cold here, almost to the day! Weird.
- Why do they keep trying to retranslate things like French Onion soup into totally incompatible media? French Onion rice...it just doesn't work. French Onion pasta...nope. French Onion bake...you don't bake soup!!:)
- Why does snow or rain debilitate the greatest city in America?
- Waking up to a huge chunk of ice smashing against your window sucks.
- Can every book be found (somehow) to contain an allegory of rebirth?
- Cookies make every day better. Especially chocolate chip ones (cookies, not days;)).
posted by Barbara at 12:08 PM
1 Comments:
I, for one, am glad you don't dismiss your other friends just because you have a relationship.
I mean... you sent me two martini glasses and an IOU for a cocktail. (And yes, I had quote a few in SF for you! Don't you worry!) Where'd I be without you?
A few drinks back, *at least*. ;)
-DuckWhisperer
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